Yesterday was my twin angel's 10th birthday. I've decided to do a few things that I think I need to do to honor them and to bring some measure of closure. I am going to send for my medical records. I have called about them and learned that they will be difficult to get because I am not in their computer system anymore. My records are on microfilm somewhere and I am going to fight to get them. I just need them for myself. I have nothing. It's like they never existed. Since that's the only thing I can get then that's what I will get. I'm also going to work up the nerve to ask what was done with them. It's haunted me for so many years now. I need to know if they were disposed of as medical waste or what. I don't know if I really want to know, but I need to know. I also never named them. I can't do it right now. I don't know how to explain why. It just seems strange to me in some way because it's been sooo long. I think I need to give them names, though. They will never have birth certificates or anything in an official capacity. I think that's part of what holds me back. I'm not really sure what I'm still afraid of. I don't know why, but 10 years seems like a big milestone to me. Hitting this year has lighted some flame in me and I just have to do something. Does that make sense to anyone? Also, last night I was crying. I went in the guestroom to just be alone with my thoughts. My DH heard me and came to see what was wrong. He didn't remember. I need him, of all people, to remember.
Laura:
You have given so many women hope on this board...i am sorry i dont have much to offer. I told you i have read your threads way before i lost my baby....i always thought in my mind that it was a blessing for you to be on this board.....for every baby lost i can imagine how many were saved because of your information.....ten years is a milestone....may GOD continue to be with you and your family....and again..THANK YOU
__________________ 5 IVF Cycles...
1 Beautiful baby boy in heaven.......Emmanuel (GOD is with US)
1 Beautiful baby girl LuV To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. BuG....born 1/20/08 33 weeks 1 day...... To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
27 Days in the NICU....before Nichole Victoria came home to her parents!
"Having done all that you can.........just STAND"
I am eternally grateful for all that I have, all that i have been through and all that GOD has in store for me and my family.....
Laura, I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Nothing can make it better, certainly not time. It is very hard when our loved one's don't remember, expecially our husbands. I don't think it is the same for them. They didn't carry the babies and have that time to bond with them like we do/did.
I think it is a wonderful idea for you to get your medical records. Do whatever you have to to get them. You need that.
Naming them will also be a big step and a wonderful idea.
Big Hugs to you during this anniversary of sorts. And good luck to you on your quest to get all the information that you can.
Laura I am so sorry. It's good that you're getting your medical records. You're right it will help you get some closure.
I wish no one knew the pain of a MC. It's just something that shouldn't ever happen.
I hope you can find a little peace. You know your angels are with you always. You're a wonderful Mommy to them and Jamie. And I agree a wonderful cyster too.
Laura~ Just wanted to send you a (((HUG))). Any progress on the medical records yet? No matter what, your angels know you love them, and they are all watching over you and Jamie. I hope that you can find a few moments of peace and beauty during this hard time. I'm so sorry sweetie.
__________________ Rebecca ~ 35
DH Matt ~ 39
Married 11-20-04
TTC for 5 years...never pregnant.
Hoping for a miracle...
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I'm getting a bit of the run around getting my records. I think it's b/c nobody want to do the work. I'm not sure what it is they have to do. I know a couple of them said something about the records being on microfilm. I would think they have a system that wouldn't be hard to find records, but maybe they don't. It's a pretty big hospital in Chattanooga.
Laura - Several years ago I sent for my health records from my childhood doctor. It had been numerous years since I had last visited. It took them a little while, but I have my medical records from age two and up. It will just mean a little extra work that it sounds like they are resisting.
On another note, I can't give you birth certificates but I would be honored if you would allow me to make you Memory Certificates.
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I'm gonna stop looking back and starting moving on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, without any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah, I wanna be running
When the sand runs out
- Rascall Flatts "When the Sand Runs Out"
Laura, I've been around medical records departments at hospitals before and people are always requesting records from 20 or so years back so it shouldn't be a big deal. You'll probably have to pay for the copying, but it shouldn't be much. They just search by your social, your name, and date of birth and should be able to pull up all your records. They then will go from there to get your records (actual hard copies, microphish, etc.). It might take them a few weeks after you request them, but they are required to keep them by law so they do have them.
__________________ Julie To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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KYLE WILLIAM IS HERE!!! BORN 8/4/07 - 8LBS 12OZ, 21 1/2 INCHES
I know they have them. I didn't think it would be that hard to get them, but I have had to leave messages and I haven't got any calls back. I tried calling billing and records. I always reach someone when I call there, but I have to call a different department for the older records. It's not like there's going to be a huge file on me. I only went to that hospital one time. I don't mind paying for the copying and postage. Maybe I just need a little more patience, lol. Maybe they're getting them already.
Laura, I hope you get those records soon so you can work on closure. I think chosing names might be a good idea, even if it does seem a little surreal to do so now. Its a lovely gift you can give your angels. I'm sorry your DH didn't remember. Its just not the same for the men. They can't possibly understand how this experience can break your heart because they don't know what it is like to lose the hope and the dream that is growing inside. But we do. I agree with the previous posters, you have been such a wonderful support to so many cysters here, please know that we are here for you too. (((((Hugs)))))
__________________ Me 35 DH 36
ttc #1 since 01/05, dx 02/06 m/c #1 10/05 m/c #2 10/06 11/06 Clomid #5, aspirin bfp Betas:[12dpo=30 P4=64][15dpo=211 P4=85][19dpo=1074 P4=79] Its a BOY!!
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((Laura)). I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. You honor your babies every single day, when you fight for others. You don't need physical reminders when they take up so much room in your heart.
10 Years 
