PCOS Message Board - View Single Post

CysterChrista · 10-30-2002, 01:39 PM

This is a toughie, Shenacat! My DH is a wonderful and loving man. He tries to be supportive, and for the most part he's really good at it. I do wish he'd do some research of his own, and get involved in this forum, though. I have to remember, to each his own, however. He doesn't have PCOS, so I can't really expect him to get involved in it more than it affects him. If he has a question, he asks me. Usually I know the answer. If I don't, I'm intrigued and I end up doing the research anyway. He is good at trying to keep me on diet, I have to say, and that's much appreciated, especially during Chocolate Time, if you get my meaning.

The point is, your DH may never take an interest is PCOS. Yes, I believe that every spouse should take an interest in the interests of his/her partner, but not every marriage is built that way. Is there something that your DH devotes as much time to as you devote to PCOS? Do you take an active interest in that?

I know for me, PCOS has become a hobby of sorts. It may not be the most fun thing in the world, but it's satisfying and it's what I do with my free time, so if that's not a hobby, I don't know what is. My Dh is really into Role-playing games. He'd love it if I would just pick up one of his books and start reading. It's not my thing though. I get involved as much as I can. We do game together every week, and I've gotten involved in a card game I really like, but I can't get involved to the extent that he's involved. So I can't really expect him to get involved in PCOS to the extent that I am. Follow?

Also, we all have to take into consideration that we all view the world differently. I know that couples are supposed to be on the same page all the time, and that non-couples tend to treat us couples as if we really do share a brain, but it's just not the case. It seems that you and your DH have a fundamental difference of opinion when it comes to healthcare. You seem to be the medicating type, and he's not. This is something that I've experienced with people in my life. I tell them about PCOs and they say, "What can you take for that?"

I prefer to go a more natural route, personally. I know my PCOS is caused by hormone imbalances and I want to know where those imbalances come from. I don't want to just take a pill. To me that's not getting better. That's treating symptoms, and that's just not how I'm built. I'm a treat the illness, not the symptoms kind of person. Maybe your DH is the same way, and he's just not communicating that effectively.

Sometimes it just all comes down to how you define a word. To you "treatment" may mean the medications you can take to make the symptoms go away, or to get pregnant. To your DH "treatment" may mean finding out where the PCOS starts and figuring out lifestyle changes you can make (even that you can make together) that will cure the problem naturally. Who knows?

Whoever that was who suggested sitting down and talking it out gave you some good advice, I think. I find that the most gentle way to do that is to talk about yourself, and yourself only. Any talk of DH's thoughts and behaviors that comes from you can very easily be viewed as an accusation. It's really hard to do, but what it all boils down to is, you can only change yourself. The only choice you have about someone else's problems or short-comings as you see them, is whether or not you can live with them, because they may never change.

Good luck to you!
Christa