AF finished yesterday and I feel clean. I do not need to think about it for 3 months ( I take provera every three months) Curious thing is if I were to make a trip to India, I would get my AF within hours of reaching there on my own. Itis very interesting.
I feel like a large hairy beast walking thru the corridors. I have no stability on every corner of my life. I am just a mess. I do fantastic job at work. But my organization is going thru changes. God knows how long my job lasts. My weight & sugars are out of control as I keep getting these panick attacks. Ihate myself and wish I do not have all these problems.
I just want to find that safe corner and hide away from my problems.
And I wonder what sort of a mother I am being. On the surface my kids only see a mom who cares for them and loves them to death. Inside I am just a mess. I do not want to put on weight, I do not want to have high sugars, I do not want to have any job-cuts at work. Everytime they do that, first I feel I should not be on the list. After that feels guilty for the ones who lost their jobs. I was so strong and everyone used to look up to me now I hide out things Does not want to tackle issues any more.Why does things (or life) has to be so much complex?? |