CO14888

Well, I got home from my training after being away for 6 weeks. I have been home for 3 weeks now. The first 2 weeks were alright. But my girl friend seemed to be drifting away. Last weekend, she suggested going camping together, even thoguh I had to work. I was looking forward to it. At the last minute, she said that she didn't want to go, but I understood as I was working and all. The past week, she has been more and more distant, and I finally asked her what was going on. The past came up and she said that I have hurt her so much by not supporting her, being emotionally abusive towards her, and she felt that I don't trust her. Now, I admit, I have done and said some pretty mean things in the past and have taken responsibility for my actions and am by no means proud of them. I am trying to rectify my problems. Up until now, though we haven't dealt with them. I am now seeing a counsellor, she is talking to a counsellor as well. But from what she says, it is too late. Her counsellor has told her to get out of the relationship. She says she needs to focus on herself and I need to do the same. I say we need to focus on ourselves, but need each other at the same time. She wants me to move out. I want to work it out. She says that she needs space to work on her problems. She says we will stay in touch and from there who knows. I am afraid of losing her. She means everything to me. I know I can't take back the past. Just for the record, I have not beaten her at all. I have said mean things and have thrown the phone at the wall a few times. She has wanted to leave and I stopped her because I was afraid she was leaving me. No excuse I know, and I wish none of it happened. All I want is to gain back her trust, no moatter how long it will take because I love her. It is funny how the smallest communication problem creates such a large problem that might be life changing. She says I am not the marrying material she thought I was. Understandably so, but I want to gain that back. She says she loves me still, but is very closed off. I don't know what to do. All I want is for her to love me the way she used to. Please don't judge me for my actions, I have already beaten myself up for my own stupidity. What can i do?

Thanks,

Aaron