Adoption Momma

I thought this would be the best place to express my thoughts and feelings. I have never been pregnant and come November 7th, I will permanently lose my entire reproductive system. We have been blessed with two beautiful sons and I would never want to change how I became a mother. I've always wanted to adopt. But I always thought, just once, I would get to experience creating a baby with the man I love.

Today it all just really hit me. Maybe it's because I'm just a couple of weeks away from my hysterectomy. With everything I've gone through, I know I need the hysterectomy and I know I will feel better once it's over. But I'm sad and heartbroken. I think about all the people that abuse their children, abandoned their children and never want to be parents and I can't help but selfishly wonder why God allows people like that to be fertile yet those of us who long to be mothers and have families are cursed with PCOS, endometriosis and other fertility problems.

Just like with everything else in life, eventually you have to make the choice that can no longer be put off. I've suffered 18 years with female problems, rapidly going downhill the past year. If I want a quality life I have to get the hysterectomy. I'm tired of the pain, tired of the problems, just tired.

I've shed so many tears for so long when we first started trying to get pregnant. Countless HPT's taunting me with one line. Based off my body's response to clomid and a good SA for DH, the RE sees no reason why I didn't get pregnant. I guess it just wasn't meant to me.

So, among my cysters who have conceived and lost their precious angels, I slip in and ask for a moment to mourn the babies I'll never have.

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