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Originally Posted by Courtneyh29  Actually I have tried to talk to him about it and lastnight we talked about it again, he basically summed up that I have "trust issues" I think I might actually I have been hurt A LOT in the past. he tells me all the time that he does not look at what is on the outside he thinks im beautiful regardless of anything and thinks im amazing but i just don't feel that way maybe i need to be more trusting??? |
It's possible. I mean, I have total self-esteem issues...and I'm married and have a man who tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me...and he willingly sleeps with me and
likes to see me naked. He begs me to keep the lights on! But...I'm 238lbs. And I feel totally gross most of the time. But I have to learn that just because
I feel that way, doesn't mean
he does. I have to remember that if he wasn't attracted to me, if he didn't love me, he wouldn't have married me (I look the same now as I did then), and he wouldn't still be having sex with me...he wouldn't be ABLE to if he wasn't attracted and in love.
Of course, I do see other women checking him out, like just today at Burger King when he was holding DD, a girl was sitting by herself and I went outside to get a bottle for DD and the girl took the opportunity to pounce..."Aww what a beautiful baby!"...and then after I came back and saw her talking to him, she kind of let the conversation die. And then as he was walking out, she was STARING at him, totally checking him out, but then she turned and saw me looking at her and quickly looked away. She was thin, reasonably pretty, didn't have a freakin' beard...and he could have easily had her. But he was oblivious! Had no idea she was flirting! And when I told him what she was doing he couldn't believe it. And I know that he would never have gone for her even if he DID know what she was up to. Why? Because even though I have been really hurt too (like you), I had to learn to trust him. To trust that he would never hurt me, that he loves me. And yes, I do have my doubts sometimes, but only when I'm feeling bad about myself...and then it's more like I'm feeling bad for him that he's stuck with me. But he always reassures me that he's not "stuck". He
wants to be with me.
So, I would say try your best to trust your BF. Most guys will look at women they think are attractive. It's natural. It's when it goes from looking to gawking to oggling that it becomes a problem. But if he's not having to wipe drool from his chin unless he's looking at you, then I think you're okay.
Your dreams I would say are just subliminal doubt that you have about yourself. I sometimes have dreams of DH sleeping with someone else and let me tell you...those HURT. But, I know he would never do it. And I know that it's just me and my stupid low self-esteem causing me to dream those things. My worst fear is for DH to cheat on me, so it would be natural for me to dream about that when I'm feeling especially down on myself. I think that it may be the same in your case.