JesterArts

Hi guys,

Good thing I subscribed to this post! Right now the hardest thing for me is remembering that when my wife is upset its probobly not so much the issue at hand, but just internal imbalances driving her frustration. And then in the event that I do remember that thats the case, I have to overcome my own reaction to the situation switch gears in my own feelings, which due to my own stress can be like turning around a large ship.

Its certainly no easy game. But like mentioned above, there are many things that made me say "I want to Mary this girl."

I don't know if this is something or not, but she was the only one who would take me for me. She could be happy with a WalMart amethyst for an engagement ring, since at the time I was about 23 with the typical struggles of a young man learning that money comes easily when you live at home, but on your own. I think thats what we both had in common, we just appreciated that we could love the other without living up to other non-essentials that the world puts so much emphasis on.

I saw her love for children and that made me realize that she was compassionate and loving, and would without a doubt make a good mother. And that has definitely been the case! She was also witty!

Strangely enough, I read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," but I keep forgetting when to put away the Mr Fix-it hat at certain times. "Oh, a problem, here's solution." When in fact women would rather just have a listening ear in general. Another stupid question (I did mention I'm an ignoramus...) "Are you having a mood swing right now?" See, thats a guy looking at an engine. Let me find the problem. Doesn't always work. (I'm also terrible at fixing cars).

Anyway, I'm learning a thing or two, and putting it to work is harder. But I'm trying. I kind of wish "trying" would go as far as "problem successfully remedied" since they both come from a desire to help the other, but I guess everything has to come at its own time.

I'm coming here to solve various problems, and I guess I do have to bring up something that is hard for me to figure out:

If the boyfriend or husband cares enough to try to help you work out the problem, shouldn't that mean enough in itself. Like, "wow, he cares enough to try although he's clueless..." Because even if one does have a good idea of the problem, "You don't understand" seems to be the reply anyway. Sometimes I feel like there is no answer...like damned if you do damned if you don't as the saying goes. The hard part is knowing when to extend loving support, and then to know when you'll just end up the target for whatever the problem is.

I'd have to say the official hardest part is knowing that the man's stereotype is watching the game, not caring about the feelings of his wife. And when you go against this stereo-type, and show an amount of care, you end up more frustrated than the guy who just hangs out with his buddies and drinks, when its tossed aside.

Well, I think there is more good than bad these days. The last few weeks have shown much progress on both our ends. But the setbacks make the problems two weeks ago feel like they happened hours ago, and the rest is easy to forget.

I should get going now, I would like to get to bed early. My wife has had no shortage of sacrifice on her part, especially with all the recent changes we've experienced in moving. Apart from PCOS, I think the problems in magnitude and amount are enough to drive anyone to insanity. So she has much to be commended in, in dealing with these on top of some unfair hands being dealt internally.

Thanks guys,

Leo

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