Tensei

I know I have SAD. I've never been officially diagnosed, although I'm not even sure it is diagnosable.

All I know is that since I was a kid, sunlight has been something that I desperately crave.

In the winter, my dad used to put plastic over the windows to keep the draft out, but he'd close the shades first, so they were closed all winter. I remember come January, I felt desperate to rip the plastic off and get some sunlight. I would, too.

Every year, at the beginning of fall, I feel great. The sun is bright and the weather is mild, and days liuke that make me feel incredibly happy.

Today, it's cold, dark, and rainy. I feel distinctly different than I did yesterday. It's almost 2:00 in the afternoon and I can barely bring myself to get up. I woke up, went online for awhile, and I sat around and watched 3 hours of TV (I barely watch 3 hours in a week!).

I FORCED myself to wash a few dishes and straighten up the house - something that once it's done, makes me very happy. But, even looking at my spotless house, I just feel sad.

I haven't even showered yet (ew). It'll take me 10 minutes and make me feel a lot better, but I have no motivation whatsoever.

I don't get it. It seems like my SAD is getting worse every year. Two years ago, we lived in a basement apartment, and we HAD to move because I was in a constant state of depression - even in springtime. Every time I came home and walked down the stairs, I would cry, and then be grumpy for the rest of the day.

Right now, we live in a house with lots of huge windows, but there's no sunlight outside, so therefore no sunlight inside.

Does anyone else suffer from this? If so, how do you cope with it??