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mizuza · 10-22-2007, 05:37 PM

i had a major depressive episode about 2 years ago combined with anxiety etc on looking up depression i found out a little about bipolar but never really thought it had anything to do with me, but recently i have found out more about it and am about 99.9% sure i am bipolar 2 with rapid cycles over the last 7-8 years i really notice the highs the lows before anti depressnats i would alternate between really happy on top the world chatty fun friendly and out going, to quiet introvert not talk to anyone anxiety etc i ignored this but then i had my kids during my pregnancy i was up and down like a yoyo 4 days to a week of depression same of being happy and delighted the odd anxiety, had my babies usual 2 weeks of hormonal stuff day 4 after birth was so euphoric it was like i had been given some kind of drug. but i would say i was pretty much on a constant high for a few months with the odd dip and then high again. till they were 11 months old then i started to get dpressed but didnt recognise it, when they were 18 months i was so depressed and axious i thought i was taking a break down meds i was hyper sensitive 2 made me very anxious within hours of taking so threw them out. I am now on lofepramine which has worked for stopping anxiety and major depression. BUt i still see the highs and lows the energy then none.

i go through phases of spending loads on just things, or i decide to decorate a room go at it all guns blazing then whether i have finished or not i just stop and thats it until i perhaps get another burst of energy.
or during a burst of high energy i will look into a different career and then perhaps start the ball rolling, then when it comes round i am in a slump and dont go through with it all. and thats me up down up down, sometimes really irratible.

the worst up i had would be when i was sudying music i loved it but was so creative and although i got slumps the ups were more intense and i was def more hyper, i started drinking lots going out lots and even split from my long term partner ( now husband) after a month or so everything crashed down around me and i thought what have i done, luckly he was still around, even then i didnt recognise it, its only now looking back at all this over time that i see ( i would say i am bipolar) so i am off to dr tomorrow to bite the bullet, i dont want to take any meds as i have my children and the anti depressant works fine for what its supposed to at least it stops me getting really bad ( so far) but i would like to try cbt to try and combat the spending sprees.