Hugs,
got your pm so came to take a look. Will try to make this quick because I have to go out soon with my DH so excuse any errors please, typing as fast as I can.
Sorry things are so rough right now. I'll just reply here instead of sending another pm (since this may end up being too long for a pm)
My ex did that too, try to blame me for everything when really a marriage takes two to work on. One can work on it for awhile but then the one doing all the work gets fed up! I swear our was holding up our whole world for many years before I realized, it takes two to work on it.
Does your husband have any mental or physical or drug problems that can be making him act like this? My ex had graves that caused him to go crazy several times a year, say stupid things, treat me like crap and then he'd claim to not remember it. But even after the graves was under control it was clear that we didn't love each other enough to repair the marriage. I had developed callouses on my heart that couldn't be smoothed over with flowers or occasional spurts of niceness from him.
I think I mentioned in the pm counseling really helped me to figure out that I deserved to be treated better, but you seem to realize this on your own, GRATS! Wish I had figured out that earlier. I still recommend counseling though because when you come from an abusive situation it can help you see the way things should be.
Being in a miserable relationship both of you have probably said and done things you may or may not regret. He wants to blame you and you want to blame him. Imo it doesn't really matter, if it is over it is over.
Try to learn what you can from any mistakes you may have made, like picking a man who would treat you this way. I think I mentioned in my pm to you about how I didn't realize I was continuing a cycle of abuse by marrying my ex in the first place, so that was my first big lesson, second was being alone is so much better than walking on egg shells waiting to catch a bomb. Third lesson was working on my self esteem issues to make me a better person and the fourth was learning to trust men again, there are wonderful men out there, my new DH is so wonderful I really never thought I would be so happy.
Not sure if I mentioned that my mom didn't want to divorce my dad who was the abuser, but he divorced her when I was about 6 or 7 and my 3 siblings and I couldn't have been happier to have him out of the house! He left us flat broke and dirt poor (he was a wealthy doctor) My mom was depressed and ashamed because back then divorces weren't that common. My father forced us to visit him, none of us kids wanted to see him, but we did anyway because we had too (that is a long story I won't go into now).
My divorce was fairly easy compared to my mom's though divorce is never easy, but it is a cure to a miserable marriage.
My ex and I are now on somewhat friendly terms, we exchange emails and have talked about what went wrong, he is very happy for me now and I still find myself worrying about him on occasion.
I hope the best for you and your girls.
Sorry this is such a messy reply, must run now!
(((((HUGS)))))