Wow.
I posted in the newbs area and asked if anybody here had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was told I was a "poster child" for the disorder but they just kept pumping me full of depakote (i was up to 1800 mg/d when I stopped taking it) and wellbutrin, which just made the extreme symptoms I had at the time even more extreme, IMO.
I lived in mexico for 6 months on NO MEDS and was wonderful- ate good food and LOTS of it, exercised all the time b/c I had to walk everywhere I went, I lost weight, had a tan, and I felt awesome.
Then I came back and they put me back on meds and went through a horrible reverse-culture-shock/depression.
I have the hirsutism, obesity, high testosterone, low estrogen, insulin resistance, all that stuff. But I DO have a period. And how. Right now I don't want to move a millimeter because I have had 3 toiletbowls full of blood since yesterday. I know this can't be normal.
But every doctor I talk to about it just says, "well, it's dysmenhorria" and says it will get better with diet and exercise. So I have been working on that stuff and now I'm on metformin (glucophage) for the second week. I am just waiting to see what happens, at this point.
I am so f***in' depressed I don't want to look anyone in the face or go to work.
My job is pretty stressful, and I have to be all rah-rah-rah and social for it. I cancelled a meeting with my boss this morning. I have been very open with him about this condition, but it seems like I am not getting well quickly enough. I mean, it's an activist job, I knew that when I took it, but it could take months or years of being on top of this condition for me to get well enough to do my job well.
I am in a crisis! It feels like everything is falling apart. Thank Jeebus for my partner. I love her. She has been packing me lunches and helping me out a lot with this diet thing, even though it's not anything she needs to worry about.
Sorry for ranting, I just feel like I am at a boiling point. I don't know what to do. I don't have other people to talk to who understand. I appreciate y'all's patience. |