Hi Ladies,
I just really need to spill to someone about the multitude of emotions and thoughts I've had going on over the last 12 hours. I've been a little overloaded with a crazy day today, including a few meetings, an exam, and a long lab scheduled for the afternoon. But when I was getting stressed out last night Tom told me to come to his apartment to study since it would probably help me to get to a new environment and have him close by
(he was right btw).
But anyways, I'm getting through the day....still a little overwhelmed but just trying to get through it. However, last night Tom gave me something really exciting to look forward to: he intends to e-mail my dad tonight to ask for his blessing! I am not really sure the day Tom will propose, but this is the first step toward it! And I admit, the one I'm most anxious for since once my dad understands our plans and intentions, I will be able to relax and enjoy all the events coming up
My dad is a little cynical about marriage and believes I should "be on my own after college for several years" beforehand, but I really hope he will be reasonable after understanding what I want from my life. Tom and I have been so happy together (dating almost 2 years!), and I know I want to be married to him more than anything.
The other strange thing that happened last night that has thrown my emotions for a rollarcoaster, is I was looking up friends websites on theknot.com, and I happened to come across Tom's from his previous engagement 3 years ago (he has been very open about this with me btw and there is no contact between him and his ex since I've known him). But even though, it was really strange to see a picture of him and his former-fiance, etc. I know it was something I did to myself (I shouldn't have looked it up, but I admit I didn't expect to find anything since they were only engaged 2 months...and dated only 9 months prior). I guess my only concern now, is that I would like to see the website deactivated before I create my own (it could be really awkward if people came across it when searching for Tom's and mine).
Anyways, I'm not concerned about Tom's loyalty or our intentions to marry...I just have been having strange emotions after having seen it and needed to let it out so I could let it go.
I decided to pray for Tom's former fiance for the next week to prevent the feelings of jealousy and frustration (? I'm still not sure what I'm feeling) at bay. I've never met her nor has she ever caused Tom and I trouble (their connection has been over for some time). But I still have a touch of sadness that I'm not his first proposal...I need to find some way to get over that because he is an amazing guy and has been wonderful toward me. He has assured me that he feels so much more certain about "us" than he did about then. So I just need to find a way to let go of jealousy and realize that it isn't pertinant anymore....