Ive recently come out a relationship that has been really hard to get over. Ive known for a long time that Ive had pcos but i never took it into consideration or researched into it until about a week ago. I sat down and wrote down all the feelings i had about what happened in our relationship and my reactions.
My self esteem (I never believed that he loved me because i thought who the hell would love someone who had hair in places they shouldnt have.)
I felt horrible when we went out in public, like everyone was looking at the hair on my chin, how fat i am, how ugly i am and no matter what he said or how much he tried to alleviate my fears i couldnt believe him. I was forever hiding my chin, or wearing a scarf. some days id feel great about the way i looked. but most days i felt like a fat hairy thing and couldnt be sociable.
He knew about my hair problem and a little about pcos but loved me nonetheless. He would try to get me to go to a salon and get the hair waxed, or lasered but i couldnt face other woman looking at me and seeing a look of disgust on their faces so i would tell him no, and do just about anything to get away from there. He wanted to buy me a epi-pen for my birthday to help me to feel a little more confident and to help with the plucking but all i could do was think "how dare you point out my hair problem!!" He would tell me i was gorgeous, beautiful and sexy but i couldnt take it as a compliment. I found it hard to trust and hard to depend on him. I was needy and sensitive and would argue with him about the smallest things just because i was hurting inside and didnt know how to let it out. I always thought everyday he was going to wake up beside me and realise he didnt want to spend the rest of his life with a hairy gorilla. I didnt know that pcos sufferers can get depression in some cases. I just thought that feeling down was just cause i was having a bad day. And that i was just being way too sensitive. I loved him with all that i had to give, and im terrified that il never find anyone accepting enough about the hair thing again.
I feel like i dont know what to do. I panic that everyone can see the hair and i constantly cant make any decisions or get the motivation to want to try. i havent been to see a doctor yet about how to deal with pcos because im scared. please help... |