I have tears in my eyes reading these stories. Now I know it can be done.
Since my first AF when I was 11, I have constantly struggled with my weight. My Mum put me on my first diet when I was about 13 and since then I've been on and off diets my whole life, I'm now 37.
With each diet I've been on I've lost weight, only yo gain it all back, plus more. It's depressing. I'm so sick of my size fluctuating so much. Over the years I've gone from being a size 10 to a size 20 (Aust sizing). I even had one so called specialist tell me I was just fat and needed to lose weight. Derr hello!!! I'm here asking you why I've gained so much weight, and feel so dreadful. I'll never forget walking out of that particular doctors office and I was so depressed I just wanted to walk under a speeding truck
I come from a family of slim people. My Mum has always been slim (even now at 66). She's always had a problem with my weight and has been a big instigator in putting me on or encouraging me to do various diets. I remember before I was (finally!!) dx with PCOS my Mum saying to me "god, I can't believe how big you are, I never thought you'd get THIS fat!!" . . **cry** Of course the constant pressure from my mother and society in general to be thin made me so obsessed about my weight and my appearance that my self esteem hit rock bottom (and still isn't great). My self worth is still so linked to my weight. I think that I'm unattractive because I'm not thin, that no one will love or desire me because I'm not say a size 10.
Once thing that has been baffling me is that I have next to no appetite most of the time. I can easily go the whole day without eating. Yet the weight just keep piling on constantly. It baffled me, I cry myself to sleep thinking I must be destined to spend my life alone and overweight. I have just had my first AF in 8 months. In the 8 months I didn't have it, I've gained weight, become more lethargic, got hairier, and more depressed. I've noticed this week that I've had AF that my mood has been "lighter", in that I don't feel so depressed in general, although the pain is something else and not having had AF for so long, its almost a shock to remember how painful it can be.
Yesterday I took my best friend to the airport. While I was waiting for her to check-in I was "people watching" (airports are fascinating places!!), and gosh you should've heard the negative self talk going on! I would look at couples and say to myself "see, he's with her because she's thin", every single couple I saw the woman was slim. I said to myself "well that's why you're single, no one wants you because you're fat". Mind you, doesn't help that my best friend is a size 10 and can eat whatever she wants! arggghh.
Anyway, I'm waffling on here!!
Having read these posts this morning I feel like there is "light at the end of the tunnel" . . although to be honest, the thought of being on a "diet" for the rest of my life saddens and frustrates me. You could say I'm "diet phobic" because of all the diets I've been on and in my mind diet now equals getting fatter
Having said that, I caught my reflection yesterday and almost cried out, I look terrible, nothing looks good on me, I hate shopping for clothes, and I don't feel comfortable or attractive in anything I put on. Apart from that, I feel sooo darn tired and lethargic all the time and suffer from headaches constantly. It's time for a life change.
I'm scared, but hopeful.