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mlinn · 04-10-2008, 11:37 PM

UPDATE:

I am sorry for the length of this post. I just wanted to talk about it with people who will actually listen for once.

Thanks so much for all the replies.

I have tried my hardest to pull out all the stops and make my relationship with this man I love work.

I have been defeated by someone who obviously doesn't have ENOUGH self esteem to love himself.

To clarify, I am from Arkansas. He and I have been together for two years.

His mom came up from his home country to Georgia. He told me he loved me and he wanted to work things out.

We were talking again and things seemed to be going perfect until I took him out to eat one day at San Francisco Bread company...we started looking at pictures of his home country on the computer so that I could get some information (conversation starter) about where he lived. There was a picture of a very attractive young lady on a website for a college there. I said wow.. she is VERY pretty and he said yeah I would be doing good to go back home and marry her. He laughed like he was a comedian. I did not think it was very funny or very respectful. I cleaned up my stuff and walked out the door. He told me he could never be with someone who couldn't take a joke. In my humble opinion,that is not a funny joke after you have just betrayed your partner by cheating on them.

He told me that night that he had decided to leave and go to Georgia to see his mom (it had been three years that they had not seen one another). He told me if I was childish enough to not handle being teased he couldn't live with me anymore..plus he needed to get his head on straight..and that he wanted to see his mom after being absent from her for so long. He straightned up and started walking the straight and narrow. I took him to Greyhound with HIS promise of "I love you so much...we just need this time apart to work out our problems." I cried when I saw that bus leave because I felt in my heart of hearts it would be the last time I ever saw him. He has gone away on trips before and I have never felt like that but I did this time.
He got to Georgia and went back to being a prick.

I gave hime some food to eat on the bus instead of cash money bc I did not have cash with me....he called me on one of his layovers and asked me to wire him some cash bc he only had $10 in his pocket and his mom was supposed to come pick him up but had been called into work and couldn't meet him at the bus station there. She also called me and confirmed with me that since his bus arrived later than scheduled she wouldn't be able to make it and no one could go get him bc they were all at work. I,like the gullable idiot I am,gave him more money.

His mom supposedly lied to the both of us. She told me he would be going out there to live with her...but when he got out there she said her roommates would not allow it so he had to move in with some friends of hers from work. He got there and called me saying I repent I want to come back home..she got me out here and told me I would be living with her but instead she is moving me in with strangers and I was better off with you than with strangers. He lived there a few weeks and then that arrangement fell through. He moved in with his mom and her roommates and things took a nose dive for the worse for us. She would scream at him loud enough I can hear her on the phone about me calling him late (1 hour time difference) but yet she called me at two or three in the morning often when she first got here to talk to him...I am still going ???? over that. Every time he and I would get into an arguement he would put mom on the phone to defend him. I am sick of this. What kind of adult needs his mom to defend him in a justified arguement with his long term girlfriend? One night we got into an arguement over something and he hung up on me...so I did what any loving girlfriend would do and treated him just like he does me in that situation. I called him back....until he answered. His mom answered the phone and told me if she had a gun she would blow my phone up. I can't explain it in English well but in Spanish like she spoke it it is a very cruel insult. So it is fine for him to turn around and call me 100 times in a row if I don't answer my phone in her book...but god forbid I call him more than once.

He only calls me and is nice to me when he wants something (the major thing being when he is almost out of minutes on his prepaid cell.)

I just recently called to tell him that I was in the path of a tornado (I live in Arkansas and we have been getting hit by alot of them recently) to which he replied you need to have respect and don't call me so late. I was like oh God I am sorry that I tried to call you and tell you that I was in danger of rapid death and tell you that I love you....I hung up the phone and cried through the entire tornado. He kept blowing up my phone after that and leaving me messages saying how sorry he was...but that I needed to just trust God...with the si,dios quiere crap...(if you don't get it read la gringa's blogicito).

Things have just taken a turn for even worse than they were. I have a guy asking me out at work and my dbf has caught on to the fact that I have gained more self confidence and am not putting up with his bulls*it anymore. I think last night was the final straw for me. We fought and fought and fought and he told me that I didn't need to be treating him like a dog or telling him what to do when I told him that I would like to have a conversation with him where he let me talk. He ALWAYS gets on the phone and goes 90 to nothing telling me about his day. He never ever ever stops to say how are you doing.

I was having chest pains and my doctor called me in to the cardiologist. He told me to call him after the appointment and tell him how it went. I called him to get yelled and screamed at for interrupting him at work before I could even get an word in edgewise. I just screamed well why the he** did you tell me to call you and tell you how my appointment at the doctor went then? I hung up on him and he turned around and called me three or four times then he apologized but didn't ask me how my appointment went at all until that night..after I fought with him about the fact that he called without even speaking to me and asking how I was.

I am so sick of putting 110% into a relationship and I am so sick about caring for someone who doesn't seem to care about me. I am tired of not being listened to. I am tired of talking to a brick wall.

So I have decided to stop. If it is meant to be maybe me not talking to him will wake his ass up to the point where he says I lost the only person who ever TRULY cared about me in my life (his dad left when he was young and his mom took off with a boyfriend when he was younger leaving his grandmom to care for him) his mom has only JUST recently came back into his life,anyways.

I just can't keep doing this to myself. It hurts because I love him so much...but I can't kill myself over this. I can't make him realize he is making the biggest mistake he will ever make in his life...because he just doesn't get it. Come to think of it..maybe he just doesn't get life at all.