Thread: Surrogacy?
View Single Post
Old 04-22-2008, 08:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
PollySis
Cheerful Radiohead fan
 
PollySis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: England
Posts: 1,199
My Mood:
PollySis is a splendid one to beholdPollySis is a splendid one to beholdPollySis is a splendid one to beholdPollySis is a splendid one to beholdPollySis is a splendid one to beholdPollySis is a splendid one to beholdPollySis is a splendid one to behold
Points: 21,773.24
Bank: 237.70
Total Points: 22,010.94
Default

Not sure. There was some kerfuffle about it a few years back, think there's some problem with its legality - is legal but money mustn't change hands but then they can get round that by calling it 'expenses' or something? Maybe someone here knows more.

Chantelly first thing I'd say is - have you got your own kids already? If you have, fair play to you but if you haven't you can't know the emotional tie you have to that baby inside you, quite apart from the sheer trauma of labour and delivery etc. To then hand a baby over - I'd say if you have had a child you may know the strength of that so be able to judge whether or not you could do it. But if you have never had a baby - trust me a first pregnancy carried through for a stranger (or even a friend) wouldn't be the place to start.

If you're talking a first labour they average around 16 hours. On the last antenatal ward I was (not far from you by the look of it), they literally had them crawling up the walls in the corridors with the pain before they'd ship them down to delivery and any real pain relief. Then the usual stuff most women with first labours get stitches etc. Without anaesthetic with my first labour. And that's the most minor complication a first time mum can get.

My closest friend is a lesbian and she and her partner of 20 odd years would love a baby and be great parents, utterly the best ever - my kids worship them, they are so fantastic - and I know my friends have wondered about adoption or other routes to having a child. And although I love her like a sister, I have thought about it and honestly know I couldn't go through that horrendous experience (and I labour fast!), emotionally or physically, even for someone I love as much as my best friend. So given the circs, it's something that's crossed my mind - although she's never asked me and never would ask me.

Doing all that for a stranger just to make them feel like they're a parent. No. Sorry. Tough. They'd have to go without, because a week down the line I'd be hammering on their door wanting my baby back.

Other folk may have different views but there's mine.

If you want to be altruistic, there's a million ways to do it without risking your own physical and mental health. I think these days a lot of people think they have a 'right' to a child and not adopt or foster a kid who desperately needs it but a cute little newborn baby. As if they're buying a puppy or something. So I'd really worry about the mental health of anyone who wanted to do it, too. And how would the child feel when it's no longer a cute little newborn but a real walking talking thinking person? You have no control over the family or how they might screw up YOUR child's head that's already going to be affected by the fact its mother didn't want to keep it. (And that's how kids see things black and white). My advice as you can tell is - don't even go there, cyster!
__________________




To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PollySis is offline   Reply With Quote