rekabla

I guess I don't have good chat-room etiquette (I've never even joined a chatroom before); I didn't realize there was an etiquette for this kind of thing. I understand that without organization there is not an easy way for someone seeking info to find it - so my point is - thank you for posting your story here. I really did want to know your story b/c I'm so tired of reading bits and pieces (I'm trying this and I'm trying that) and you actually have a combination that is WORKING for you. A success story - and not just a pregnancy success story. I just don't know how people can even think about getting pregnant feeling this way (assuming they feel the way I do). I feel like a crazy person 2 weeks out of every month at least....I can't think straight. I just don't think I'd be a very good mom feeling like this and it's so important to me - don't get me wrong, but I'm serious when I say I feel debilitated. My husband gets mad at me and says things like "You find strength" and "You can't focus on your problems when you have kids so you feel better" sometimes I think he's right and then I do something like start soup on the stove and in two seconds I forget all about it - only to find it 45 minutes later burned to the pan. I do these types of things constantly. I'm so ashamed, my cat has always knocked over glasses of water with her paw, and I was already in bed and I heard her messing with the glass. I got so furious so fast, I stormed out of bed, grabbed the glass and threw the water at her! What is WRONG with me???? Who DOES that? As soon as I did it, of course I felt HORRIBLE. I just feel so unstable. I've got another appointment with another doctor mentioned here and I'm at least going to be put on a mood stabilizer so I don't fly off the handle so fast. I sometimes lose my vision I get so upset so fast....it's really scary. Most of the time I'm okay, but these are moments I have every month. My friend said I remind her of herself when she had postpartum after her 2nd child. She says I even have the same tired look in my eyes at this time of the month - every month. We've worked together for 8 years and I thank goodness for her pulling me aside to talk about it, she's someone who knows me and it made me feel better that she noticed and it's not all in my head as my hubby says.