PCOS Message Board - View Single Post - Chromosome results back: I feel like crap.

Miracle07 · 06-05-2008, 10:45 AM

Kadie- I feel the exact same way. I was talking to DH about this the other day. I feel like I have been robbed of the chance to enjoy a pregnancy. With DS I was a wreck for the first trimester. The second was also not too fun emotionally for me because I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. In the third trimester I was still waiting and was in complete denial that I was actually going to have a baby. When I went into labor I was also in denial. I didn’t go to the hospital for the longest time because of that. I was 5 cm dilated by time I got there. I am glad in a way that DS was stuck or I probably would have had him at home. It took me a few days to really bond with him. I think I was still in denial that I had a baby and he was ours to take home. I had PPD because I felt like I had to be even more perfect of a mom because of the IF and m/c’s. It was very hard on me. I really did not get to enjoy his babyhood all that much and that makes me sad. I envy women who get pregnant and tell every body the minute there are 2 lines on the test. They go through their whole pregnancy in ignorant bliss….. *sigh* to be ignorant to m/c and tragedy, that would be nice. Sometimes when I think about it I wonder if it all does not just happen… I know I have a bigger appreciation for my son then quite a few others I know who conceived pretty easily and never had a m/c. I have to think that maybe my DS is destined to be something spectacular because if I would have carried my first 2 pregnancies… he would not be here.  I cannot imagine my life without him! Maybe I am meant to have my next baby when it is meant to be. I have really not been a religious person but going through IF and m/c has made me pray and turn to God more. Maybe I was not meant to have this baby for a reason. It does not make it hurt any less or make me feel a lot better but I know that there is a future out there for us and having my son after 2 m/c shows me that it could happen again and that is what keeps me going. One of our fellow cysters said “the desire to have a baby is stronger than my fear of another m/c” and that just sums up how I feel. Prayer has help me feel at peace with what is happening and also knowing that there are others out there who are going through the same thing has helped me a lot. I will always have a part of me missing with each of my m/c but I have hope and faith that it will happen for us again. I also think that counseling is a good thing. We have debated whether or not to do it a few times.