PCOS Message Board - View Single Post - Chromosome results back: I feel like crap.

kadie · 06-05-2008, 04:49 PM

Melissa: Are we twins, separated at birth? I could have written your post word for word! I couldn't remember the exact quote ("the desire to have a baby is stronger than my fear of another m/c") but I was thinking it as I typed last night. I think my fear and, like you said, "waiting for the other shoe to drop" affected my ability to bond right away, and to some extent, I think it still affects me. I love Wyatt more than anything in this world, and would do anything for him ... but I think part of me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. My biggest fear is that something will happen to him now, after I've gotten to be his mommy ...

My parents both have very strong faith - and I wish I was more like them ... the initial infertility & miscarriage (along with some other junk in my life) pushed me away from God ... but Wyatt's birth, and now this miscarriage, have lead me back - and made me realize that I do need that relationship with God. I guess, if for no other reason, than if I can't believe in the thought of meeting my babies in heaven, I think I'd get bogged down in the muck of the pain & grief & anger.

I have a friend who has had lots of m/c's too, and she has really encouraged me to see a therapist. I have the name and number of a woman in my area, who has been through this, too. My friend said it really helped her - and I think I'm to the point where I need to reach out for some help with it all. If nothing else, just to get some strategies for getting past my anger & grief. My DH gets mad at me sometimes, b/c I hate asking for help ... and he has encouraged me to reach out to someone who is not directly involved. I think it's a good idea.

((( HUGS ))) Hang in there - we'll get through this, and I hope we will both have a second (and maybe more?) baby in the next year or so. You're on my prayer list now!