Purple_monkfish

Alright, this shall be long. Bear with me.

#1 - About a year after being diagnosed I met a lovely man and we very quickly fell into a relationship. Now, my specialist and all the research i'd done on my own had suggested that i'd have trouble conceiving but a family was the last thing on my mind at the time. I was a student, just finishing my second year and about to go into my final, I was due to move out of the house i'd rented for the past couple of years as half my flamates graduated and left. I was watching my diet, strictly following a low GI diet as told by my specialist and taking 1500mg of metformin a day to ease my symptoms (Excessively painful afs which were once every 2 months)
My cycles had regulated to every 35 days around about and were bliss compaired to the flooding and agony i'd suffered for so many years.
Anyway,

My new man and I were going great, he was lovely and sweet (still is lol) and my health was improving, though I was still in a lot of pain from cysts. We weren't using protection because I assumed my fertility was fairly low to non existant (well it's what everyone kept telling me!) and I never much liked condoms. So, 6 months of unprotected sex later... heh

I skipped a period, thought little of it. I often skip periods at random after all. My partner however was slightly concerned. I assured him that if I missed two periods i'd do a test. The second month loomed but before af2 was due I started getting serious nausea. I was sick as a dog so I decided to do the test early.
It was most definitely positive, in fact at 7am that morning I rushed back upstairs to where my man was sleeping shouting "does this look like a cross to you!?"
hahaha, he hugged me and we both waited a while to calm down before he asked the inevitable "so what do you want to do"
There was no question really in either of our minds, we were gonna be parents!
I was 9 weeks along, 20 years old and homeless... it wasn't a good time. Thankfully everything fell into place. My mother helped us get a house, I took a year out of university to have the baby and we fell into domestic life as a proper couple. Cian was born in late november, a month early (his due date was christmas day lol) and about 6 months or so late, my partner asked me to marry him. He'd been waiting since we'd first found out apparently but i'd told him when we first met that I would never marry a man who asked me while I was pregnant, it always felt to me like that was the only reason he was asking heh.

#2
When Cian was about 12 months old I started to get insanely broody but my man put his foot down. We couldn't afford another baby, the timing was all wrong, we should wait until after the wedding.
So I threw myself into wedding planning, distracting myself sufficiently that I stopped thinking about babies.
Janurary came and brought af with it... but then feburary came with nothing... march and april followed suit, no af, random spotting and cramping but nothing. I did 4 hpt, it was the most logical assumption. All negative. Downheartened, I made several trips to my doctor, even leaving one appointment in tears because of his refusal to help me. I was told it was just "one of those things" that pcos got worse with age so that was probably the reason I wasn't ovulating.
They took blood, fsh and LH tests were done and the results came back horribly high. My doctor assured me that was characteristic of pcos and sent me home. I later found out that that LH spike was probably showing that I was about to ovulate as 2 weeks later on May 1st af finally reared her ugly head. It wasn't too bad, light to moderate and only 3 or 4 days long (usually it's 7) but it brought relief.. or so I thought.
I'd gotten broody again, was obsessed with my fertility thanks to the latest scare and started charting my periods once more. I calculated my fertile days and informed my man who said he'd have to start using protection then (while I wasn't ovulating we hadn't bothered, not that i'd been in the mood at all)
We started using condoms, fertile days came and went, june came and went... no af. I started getting cramps, sore boobs, indigestion and general pms symptoms. I did a hpt, I didn't expect it to be positive but I knew the doc wouldn't see me unless I did one. It was negative. I returned to the doctor, frantic. Why had my afs stopped? what was going on? was I infertile? He felt bad for making me cry the month before and agreed to refer me to a gynocologist for tests.
My trip to the gyno was... a waste of time to put it lightly. He sat with me and told me that because I wasn't ttc at the moment there was nothing he could do. He told me that infertility caused by pcos was treatable with a great degree of success and that all I could do regarding af was wait and see. He took blood again to check FSH and LH once more and sent me home telling me he'd arrange an ultrasound.

I returned home in tears, not sure what to do with myself or why my body was failing me like this. I upped my metformin dosage to 1500 once more, i'd never quite managed to get up from 1000mg since Cian was born. I changed my diet back to the strict low GI diet, all in a vain attempt to sort things out. I felt nauseated, I put it down to the upped metformin dosage and found that if I ate regularly it went away.
The indigestion turned to heartburn. I was miserable.

Then I started peeing blood (tmi I know). I had some sort of infection, probably bladder or kidney judging by the colour. That day I toyed with the idea of doing the last hpt, given I was planning on peeing in a cup to check the colour anyway (gross I know, needed to be done) but decided I couldn't quite deal with another glaring negative. The cycle beforehand had robbed me of any hope I had, I knew in my heart that despite my desperate desire for that to be the answer to all these issues, it probably wasn't the case. My doctors had managed to convince me that I was just infertile.
So, quite concerned about the amount of blood I was passing, I called the doctor and made an appointment, they could see me the next day at the earliest. I waited till evening then called the after hours doctor to see them instead, I knew I needed antibiotics ASAP, especially if this was kidneys.
I headed down to the hospital, leaving my partner and son to go grocery shopping.
The doctor was lovely, didn't even need to do a test to figure out it was an infection, pee just shouldn't be that colour damnit! lol.
She went through the usual list of questions they ask before perscribing antibiotics: Are you allergic to anything, do you have any preexisting medical conditions, could you be pregnant?
I laughed and told her that I was at that point around 34 days late but the doctors told me it was just pcos, they were investigating.
She asked me if i'd like her to do a test anyway and I said sure, why not. I figured a doctor confirmed negative, while upsetting, would kill those nagging doubts at the back of my mind completely. The hopes I was shutting up with logic and evidence.
She did the test, wandering off to find a dipstick for the blood count and all that to confirm infection. When she returned she looked at the test and said "yep, that's it" I was puzzled, thinking i'd misheard her I laughed and said "negative then?" as I fully expected it to be. "no" she said "it's positive"
I leapt out of my chair, rushing over to look. I stood in shock as she showed me the two lines and took out a second test which she poured water on to show me what a negative cassette hpt would look like. I was trembling, utterly completely overwhelmed. She lay me down and checked to make sure I wasn't having any abdominal pain then perscribed me some safe antibiotics and sent me home with much congratulations.

I phoned my partner immediately, informing him of the news before picking up my antibiotics and sitting in dazed silence as the cab driver took me home.
The following morning I took that spare hpt I had sitting on the shelf, the positive showed up before the control had even had time to develop. It was practically glowing in the dark!
If my dates are right, I should be 9 weeks along.

I haven't seen the doctor who told me that a negative hpt was pretty accurate and I couldn't possibly be pregnant yet... I'm sort of looking forward to telling him what an idiot he is for not confirming by doing a bloody hgc blood test before telling me I was just anovulatory.
The grief and stress I went through believing I was just falling apart at the seams, that my hormones had gone haywire when all the time the nausea, the heartburn, the pain and aches was ALL because i'm having a baby!
The bloating I put down to water retention? It's my cute little bump. I'm already starting to show lol.

Interestingly, I kept having dreams where i'd attend the u/s and the technican would tell me I was pregnant. I thought it was wishful thinking, turns out, if I hadn't gotten that infection and gone to the out of hours doctor, that would have probably been the first i'd known of the whole situation.
What makes me sad though, is knowing full well that if I'd waited 24 hours and gone to my normal doctor instead of the hyper efficient out of hours one, they wouldn't have even bothered to test and would have just given me full strength antibiotics. I suppose fate must have played a hand in the whole thing, my only symptom of infection was blood, no pain or anything after all...
I believe this one, like my first child, was meant to be.

I'm just dreading telling my mother. Lol. She told me I wasn't allowed to fall pregnant between ordering the dress (done in late May) and the wedding (next May) lol. Well, I didn't really.. I was already pregnant and just didn't know it! hahahaha

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