PCOS Message Board - View Single Post - Changing faith, and hiding it from family.

Hezzer · 07-15-2008, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gothic_Kitten_1981

I recently have decided to change faiths . . .

But I still can't tell people, I think that my line with regard to telling everyone would be once I am baptized. I think then, they would know that this is more than just me "looking into things" as opposed to being serious about my convictions there.

My husband and I can relate to your situation. About 10 years we began studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses. My mother is actually of the religion and I was raised around the teachings, but never "made it my own" so to speak. When I went to college, I pretty much abandoned why I had learned and was without a religion at all.

I met my husband during our college orientation in the summer of 1994. He was raised Methodist, but his mother converted to Baptist at the request of his foster brother who had become a Baptist minister. He never took to either faith. I should mention that his mother was somewhat opposed to the Jehovah's Witness faith and a comment that his mother made to him when he was teenager was "Whatever you do, don't end up with a Jehovah’s Witness."

Well technically he didn't, as when we met I had no religion. We were married in 1997, but as happy as I was, I really felt a void due to the lack of spirituality in my life.

I actually talked with members of various religions, though none met the criteria or standards that I felt were required of a Christian. Around that time, my aunt, one of Jehovah's Witnesses, had invited us to start having a Bible study. I put her off for some time, but then realized that this was what I'd been wanting and decided to accept. My husband felt he was not ready for such a step, but told me to go ahead.

Before my first study, however, he decided he wanted to be a part of it. I think at that time, it was mostly out of curiosity. Over the years, I had shared with him things I had been taught and I guess he wanted to know more.

We spent the next year studying the Bible each week with my aunt. For me, it was much of a review, but my husband really enjoyed learning what was in the Bible for the first time. By the end of a year, we decided to start attending Christian meetings. We progressed quickly after that and decided we wanted to start participating in the field ministry, a hard step for him especially because he is very shy. Eventually we made the decision to accept this faith wholeheartedly and dedicate ourselves to it and be baptized.

Thanks to many of my uncles and aunts, and my mother, those in my family who are not of our faith are already used to having JW's in the family (though back in the day my grandpa threatened to disown them all).

Hubby's family was a different story. He was a wreck about how his mother especially would react. Surprisingly, she was very accepting and actually expressed her happiness that he had spirituality in his life as none of his siblings really practice any religion at all.

However, she and his siblings have over the years grumbled and complained about his no longer participating in certain holidays. Though some of them don't fully understand our Bible-based reasons for not participating, they do accept it and respect our decisions, and I love them for that.

I guess the point of my story is, we expected a very bad reaction from his family, but overall, they've been accepting. Oddly enough, despite the fact that we're absent from holiday/birthday gatherings, he's much closer to them all now and makes much more effort to spend even more time with them on other occasions.

Onto your dilemma.

I don't know what religion you're heading for or how those beliefs differ (at least from your father), but perhaps they won't react in the way you think. Even if they do react badly, living out of state and having some distance between you should make things easier.

Letting them know ahead could also give them time to warm up to the idea and assure them that you're not rushing into things. For instance, what would bother parents more . . . and elopement to someone you've barely met or a marriage to someone whom you've come to know and trust over time. Whether they agree with the "marriage" or not, at least they know that you've gone in with your eyes wide open.

Hubby sat down with him mom and shared with her things and was learning and showed her from the Bible *why* he believed it. I think his conviction impressed her.

I was impressed with his foster brother, the Baptist minister, who did some research hoping to understand why we didn't celebrate a certain holiday. It ended up that he sent us a letter reaffirming that belief because in the course of his research he had come to learn what we'd known all along. That didn't change his celebration of the holiday, but at least now he understands and respects why we don't.

I guess that's all we can expect from family that loves us. They may not like it or fully understand it. But if they love us, and we're better for it, then they should accept it.

If they don't, that's on them.