beejcee

hello,

i have never posted in this forum before but i am hoping some of you might be willing to share your thoughts on the following problem i have.

i have been married eight years. i love my husband and i know he has a core of goodness and sweetness. but in the past year we have discovered that he is bipolar.

along with the depression, he has developed mania with spending (accumulating over $40,000 in debt) and he has had three different affairs in the past year.

everything i read about the disease advises family to try to understand that the spending and cheating are truly not personal, they are true symptoms of the disease. so my logical mind can understand that. but my heart is struggling.

i have been praying for my husband because right now he won't look at me or barely even talk to me, just minimal answers. everything i do or say is irritating to him. today he told me he has stopped taking all of his meds.

the amount of debt he is creating is frightening to me. i am a person who is very good with money but his mania is now causing me to have real financial concerns.

i have been suffering with this in silence for 6 months now -- afraid to tell my family or friends. this weekend after some terrible moments with my husband i realized i couldn't hide this anymore. so, i have since told two very close friends. tomorrow after work i am going to start pursuing some counseling for myself.

here's why i am posting this: how do i come to grips in my heart with my current situation and my marriage vows? i promised him and God for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. he is talking about possibly wanting a divorce and i am ashamed to admit part of me thinks about it because this would eventually go away.

at the same time, i know myself and i am a very committed person. if i said okay to the divorce, i know i would be haunted by the idea that i didn't live up to those vows.

sorry this is so long. if you read this, thank you for taking a moment to read this. i know i am not the only one in this kind of situation. any thoughts about coping strategies from those of you who have been there? thank you.