so called friends from the board that live in the same town as me. The board mainly consists of group of people from Little Rock (where i'm originally from) and another group from Fayetteville (where I live now). Most of the LR people haven't talked to me since I left 2 years ago. And now i'm finding out more and more of the people in Fayetteville wish i'd never moved here. They hate that i'm with Matt and don't work. They feel i'm using him. They also can't get over the fact that I used to do drugs (part of the reason I moved was to get clean) even though they did too. I was just more extreme in what I did and how I did it.
I can't get a job because i'm afraid to leave my own house. I'm haunted by my past. I feel stared at and hated every where I go. My therapist tells me "you're just not that big of a deal" but that just makes me feel more ****ty. I know she doesn't mean it in a bad way, but that's how I always take things.
Matt is the only person I feel remotey safe around, and he can't be with me 24-7 so I spend his work hours pacing and crying or online. And after this last incedent I don't even feel safe online anymore. |