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kimmy-ki · 12-21-2008, 11:01 PM

Here's my two cents worth! I was married to a man whose mother was vehemently opposed to the idea of adoption and he wasn't enthusiastic about it either. We went through a number of fertility treatments and the idea that adoption with him was not a real option generated tremendous stress because I felt I had to conceive or else we would not have any children. Obviously, being stressed when you are doing fertility treatments is not ideal and needless to say, I didn't get pregnant.

Infertility became so stressful that it finally tore us apart. During this period, a man who had been a close friend of mine for 10 years suddenly reappeared in my life. Everything clicked and a year later I was divorced from my first husband and after another year, I married DH (I was 37 years old by that time). He is is such a wonderful man who is totally in favor of adoption, which is very unusual considering that he is Mexican and there is a lot of cultural resistance to the concept of adoption here. Anyway, we managed to get pregnant but I miscarried, so after a few more years of trying, we have moved on to the adoption option. This journey has been very positive for us as a couple. Absolutely and positively the pain of infertility and the excitement of adopting has cemented our relationship because we both want so much to have a family together. I feel very blessed because I followed my heart and it lead me to a man who shares my vision of life.

Please think long and hard before marrying a man who does not share your vision with respect to adoption. Having a family (or deciding not to) is such a fundamental part of any serious relationship. I know couples who are perfectly happy without children, but the key is that they are both on that same wavelength, so it works. The key is being true to yourself... if you listen to your heart carefully, I think you will find the answer.