Trust me, He's there. If He wasn't, I'd be dead. It took me hitting rock bottom, holding an entire bottle of pills in my hand to truly realize this. I know you've got a lot on you, so I'm not going to drag you down by telling you what **** my life was in 2006, but let's just say that I saw no end to my physical, mental, and emotional suffering. The ONLY thing I didn't lose was faith in God. I prayed daily, and even though each day seemed to be worse than the next, I KNEW eventually, it would get better.
Keep praying, and empower yourself. First, take the things that are causing you insecurity, and work with them. I, too, lost a LOT of hair, not as much as you had, but trust me, I was lacking. What I did, was purchase hair pieces. I wore clip on hair daily for almost 4 years. There are now many hairpieces and wigs that are extremely fashionable and hardly noticeable. Trust me, it does wonders for your self-esteem, and they truly do look GOOD!
Here's where I got many of mine :
http://www.bestwigoutlet.com/index.aspx
Second, take control of your PCOS. Trust me, there is help, don't stop until you get it. I nearly died before I got the help I needed, but I *finally* found a doctor that would help me. Talk to your OB/GYN about Metformin XR and a twice daily injection called Byetta. With the help of those two medications, my insulin levels became normal, I lost over 100lbs (over 2 years), my periods became regular, my acne improved dramatically, and for the first time in nearly 6 years, I don't have to wear a hairpiece. As for the anxiety/depression, don't be afraid to ask your doctors for help. I'm on Prozac, and when *not pregnant* Xanax for anxiety attacks. There's no shame in taking medication if you need it, trust me-- and let me add, the more your PCOS gets under control, the better your depression/anxiety will get. It may not go away totally, but it WILL get better.
It's a hard road. I'm not going to lie. You'll be sick from the side effects of the medications. There will be days you'll wonder if it's worth it. Trust me. It is. I was down so low, there was no place left to go but up. God and I talked daily. He never told me it would be easy, but I knew He would never leave me, and He won't leave you. Keep the faith, and pick yourself up-- believe it or not, He's given you the tools, pick them up, and go from there! *hugs*