Hi Ladies!
I am a lurker, but wanted to post a little of our family story.
DH and I were married in 2000. We started TTC immediately. I was DX’ed 6 months later. We tried for 2 years and decided to adopt. While we were going through the homestudy etc. I decided to become a volunteer “big sister”. I was matched with an adorable 4 year old little girl. I had only met her once when she and her siblings were moved to a foster home. They were there for 6 months and where returned home. While they were in foster care I continued to visit with her and take her places.
My husband and I were licensed to foster/adopt in January 2003. We waited daily for “the call”! On my way to work on February 27, the call came. They said, “your kids are here”! My “little sister” and her siblings were back in foster care and the bio grandma had requested we take them if at all possible. We went from a single couple to a family of 6 in 5 hours!!! We had to buy everything. We picked the kids up that afternoon and I knew they were ours forever. The kids were 2, 3, 5, 9 and boy, boy, girl, girl.
It didn’t work out as magical as I had planned. The kids were really misbehaved. They were not used to any kind of structure. It was so hard! Nothing I could have read, watched or talked about on adoption message boards had prepared me for this. After a few months the oldest girl was moved to paternal family members and it was for the best. It really gave the little ones the openness to bond with my DH and I. There were many days I cried. I didn’t think I could do it. This was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I really thought the kids would come into our home and feel all the love we had for them. We would spoil them rotten and they would just love being here. That is not the case. They wanted to go “home”. It was so hard watching them cry and morn the loss of their biological family. My heart ached for them and they didn’t seem to want us to help them.
When they were first placed with us I wanted to take them to Disney World. I planned a trip for September 2003. By the time we took this trip the kids were starting to calm down. They were accepting our discipline. We were even starting to bond. During our trip they started to call us mommy and daddy. We were finally starting to become the family I had dreamed about. After having them home for 1 year, I knew we were a family. We were bonded and more in love with these little kids than I could have ever imagined during the first few months. After having the kid’s home for 2 years we decided to do it again
We brought home a beautiful newborn girl one month later.
My kids are now 7 (will be 8 in a few weeks), 9 and 11. The baby will be 4 in February. The time has gone so fast. I look back and can not believe how much they have grown. Not only physically, but emotionally as well. They have no “issues” that kids in and out of foster care seem to be prone to. They do well in school, play sports, insturments, and the boys are in boy scouts. It is amazing for me to see the chages they have made. It is also amazing to me the changes we have made as parents. We could not imagine our lives without these 4 children. They are the light of our lives and I would do it again in a hearbeat. I would even do the first year again
It is so worth the effert, the tears, the screams, the sleepless nights… all of it! They are such a blessing, and we are lucky to be their parents.
I am sorry if I scared any of you. I just wanted to let you know it is not all good times. It is serious hard work. It is worth it, but it is hard. The hard times will pass. At least I think so. My DD is getting closer to being a teen and I am nervous
Good luck ladies. If you have anymore questions about adopting older children or siblings please feel free to ask. I am by no means and expert. But I have been where you are right now. We want children so badly. We dream of a prefect family and we want it right now. While my children didn’t always match the dream I had…. They are a dream come true!