I didn't realize you are an 'agnostic.' Based on your other thread, I thought you were sincerely looking to make peace with God, and this is why I replied to you again here. I'm not looking to debate with you over it.
But I will say that I believe God is Just, but this world is not. Everyone on this board can write a post to rival yours (and you have gone through a lot, I am sorry for that). It is a sad and sorrowful reality. Human beings are capable of great things though, and it's when you make that effort to help yourself that I believe God helps you. You reach out a hand, He reaches out an arm's worth...
Similarly to you, I don't understand what the point of living on this Earth would be if we didn't have free will, if we didn't make mistakes, if we didn't commit sin. I don't know why God would have put Adam & Eve here to begin with, if things were supposed to just remain the way they were in Heaven. I believe we are here to worship God, but that Satan also lives here to lead us astray.
Best wishes on your struggles, and I hope you can turn things around for yourself and start to have hope for your life again.
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