I feel guilty to admit that I have also questioned God. I have been extremely low, selfishly contemplating suicide in the past. Reading your stories has made me realise something - we are not alone. I haven't been throught the same things, my symptoms are different but affect me all the same. I turned my back on God for years, even though I know he didn't with me. I couldn't see it at the time, but there are many things that He has done to show his love for me:
- helped give me the strength to be proactive, not give up completely, be calm and let go of the past
- pointed me in the direction of help with this site and verity-pcos.org.uk, which is good since I live in the UK. I had never heard of either, I just stumbled across them.
- allowed me to be a better person. I used to be so critical, so judgemental, not because I was nasty, but because I didn't LIKE myself. Now, I am calmer, understanding, appreciative of other people and their problems.
- made me see the beauty in things I couldn't see before - love, nature, light, the earth.
- taught me to ask for things I would have usually just written off and thought "I'm not good enough to ask for help". It may take time, but He listens, I promise.
- shown me the beauty in me, despite my human flaws. We are all made in the image of God, do not feel bad if you don't look the way you want to. You are loved.
I wish I could help all of you. I want to offer you encouragement and support. I don't know your religion specifically, Goddess, but personally I was extremely surprised when one morning, after my lack of faith and caring, I had an urge to go to my local church. I started attending mass. Being with the congregation, singing and praying helped me overcome so much. I am so grateful that God gave me a gentle nudge in the right direction. Why not give it a try? You will not be judged, and the priest will most likely be pleased to see a new face!
All the best xx |