iliketocolor

I am a Christian and i belong to a UCC church. I always rely on God to see me through tough times and I know that he will help, but lately things have been just piling on and burying me alive.
I went through a tough childhood. My father was abusive and things were just really bad. But my mom helped me a bit and she made sure that we went to church and had a strong base. Every time I would even think that there wasn't a God (the subject comes up in school and what not) I would feel utterly lost and alone. So I knew that he was there. But now, I can't figure out why after all I have been through, things continue to get worse. I mean, i had to leave a church choir rehearsal because we were singing a song about how God helps the people in need, but i was going to cry because I don't feel that he is helping me. I didn't make a scene about leaving or anything, It was like I was excusing myself to go to the bathroom. But I hate feeling like this, but when I sing in church now, I don't feel they way I used to. I feel that the songs are contradicting my life and I need some help from people who I won't see in my everyday life and who will think about it every time I see them.
I guess even writing this helps, but I am sure other people feel this way, is there anything that can help me get over this rough spot?