I used to allow PCOS to rule me in some ways. Well, not "allow" but it just made me go through so many painful things (physically and emotionally) I just didn't have any hope. However, I have never resented other women's fertility. On the contrary, I am ecstatic for every new life I am greeted with by happy friends. I think the main thing I got obsessive about (and occasionally still have my off days) is my figure. I went from a tiny UK size 8, beautiful skin, hair and full of confidence, to a fat, spotty, ill mess.
I wanted to look like anybody but ME! I hated myself. I had to learn to forgive myself for having this illness. It helps to have faith. Also, having reflexology and homeopathy really helped me to relax and forgive and let go.
Now I'm not perfect but on the whole I am far better than when I decided to give up on myself.
Yes I want children, yes I want to lose some more weight, yes I have spots....but there are far worse problems to have. I read on another post on here that a way of looking at it is to think "well, my worst days could be a breeze to some people". I am so thankful for the wonderful things and people (especially) that I have in my life. I realise now that I may have some problems, but I also have love and support. I can get through the struggles. "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!" as my grandmother always says!
I am not for a moment suggesting that fertility problems, pain and image concerns are not important because I realise they certainly are. However, I believe that I have felt much better through not allowing myself to be consumed by these worries constantly. Yes, when I have rough times, back and forth for tests etc, I get stressed and a bit obsessive if it is really bad. But I have found that prayer, faith and also helping other people with things really lift my mood.
We are all special, individual and gifted. We may have PCOS, and other problems such as Endometriosis, diabetes....but they don't define us.
I used to be scared to leave the house when I was at my most ill. I was convinced that people would laugh, stare, ask me why I was so fat etc. I wanted to scream "I HAVE PCOS, DON'T JUDGE ME!!" It was really sad. But I'm past that now.
I never want to feel hateful or bitter again, towards myself or others. xx |