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Originally Posted by jordon23  I know that many people are going to tell you otherwise, but I wish I would have listened when people advised me about avoiding the foster adopt route. Yes, it's less expensive, but it is a million times harder and more stressful than adoption alone. We had two babies ripped from our arms, and it was horrible. One went back to heroine addicts, and the other baby was placed in another state with other foster parents. We were lied to the entire time we had them (we were told we would be able to adopt for over 6 months), and I wish we had just started with an agency or lawyer first. We are now with a wonderful agency, and it is almost a zero stress level compared to fostering. I will never have to worry about having another baby in my arms and then having it ripped away.
My suggestion is talk to an adoption attorney and start requesting information from adoption agencies. I would avoid state systems or any agency that is affiliated with the state. If money is an issure start saving now. If you find a good reasonable agency, the costs are not that much when you figure in your tax credit. All in all we will end up with less than $5,000 in our domestic newborn adoption. I wish I would have know that before we went through all of the heartbreak. I wouldn't do it again for $100,000 up front. |
I feel your pain. I really do. When I was a senior in high school (6 years ago) my parents decided to foster, because that's just what they did. (My little brother was adopted and they've always opened our home to those in need - my mom is a teacher and those who came were usually students who needed a place to stay.) We got a 3 month old baby girl who's mother's rights had been terminated. From the start it was set that we were supposed to be able to adopt her when she turned one. Two and a half years later the state 'miraculously' found her father in Texas. Her father was a drug addict who didn't really want her in the first place (my parents allowed him to come stay with us on weekends to get to know her better) and the only reason he 'wanted' her was because his MOM wanted her. Anyhow - when she was almost 3 they took her. To this day, I see a picture of her and my heart physically hurts. My little brother, who was only 4 or 5 at the time, STILL talks about her... he STILL misses her. We can be out in public and any time he sees a little curly blonde girl he says, 'She reminds me of Chrissy.' My mom was heart broken for MONTHS afterwards. They kept telling us over and over again that we were going to be able to adopt her.
What I'm getting at is this: I will NEVER be able to foster. And, I will NEVER deal with the state. The state's system is a freakin' JOKE. I could go on and on and on about it, but the Chrissy Situation ruined me from ever being able to have faith in Oklahoma's DHS system. Ever. And that's sad.
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