Hi everyone, I saw this post in the new post section and I came in here to tell all of you good luck. I am a birthmother, and I hope that all of you have smooth, easy placements with no problems.
To Amberlyn, I would just like to say that I am very sorry for your loss and tell you how it was for me. I "knew" my adoptive parents for 5 months through lots of phone conversations...and all the reasons I wanted to place my baby...and all the reasons that I couldn't give her a good life, etc. I was not a young, impressionable girl...I was 23 and educated, but I had a lot of family responsibilities and other things going on in my life that made it IMPOSSIBLE for me to be able to raise her. However, when she was born...I forgot all of that stuff. Really, placing a baby is a blind leap of faith. I have talked to thousands of other birthmothers who agree. It's really not about being flaky (unless that was the plan all along). It's that it's just so different...making plans for a potential baby (even though it's alive and moving inside of you) is really different from giving your living and breathing child away to people you don't really know. That's why I say it's a blind leap of faith. I knew from 2 weeks after I found out that I was pregnant that I would place my child and I still struggled in the end and almost changed my mind. It's IMPOSSIBLE to know how you will feel. I imagine it would be even worse for a teenager. I'm so very sorry that you had to lose that baby and I'm sorry for the baby and the birthmother. All of you will probably suffer from this for a long time. My recommendation is that you NOT let this sour you towards the next birthmother. The more time you spend getting to know her and letting her feel like a part of the family the more comfortable she will feel surrendering. Are birthfathers allowed to surrender their rights ahead of time in your state? You might want to consider trying to get that done too.
Good luck, and I hope I haven't upset you. If I have, I'd be glad to delete this post. I really didn't want to. I really just wanted to show you how we feel and give you some insight to make things easier for you.
Hugs,
Stacy
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Stacy, Daisy Lover
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and Crossfit Addict
Age 31 DH Age 39
Mom to Stormy Age 6
Stepmom to Brian Age 7
Birthmom to Madeline Age 8
TTC as soon as I start ovulating!
My first two pregnancies were a "fluke" according to my doctor because I had lost a ton of weight right before both times. I never knew that I didn't ovulate until diagnosis in February of 2008. |