alaskaflygirl

It's my personal opinion that there's nothing wrong or abnormal about sometimes thinking about how we would feel/what we would experience if we lose a loved one that we're exceptionally close to and care about. As an only child who was homeschooled, moved 18 times in 18 years, with a detached and narcissitic father, my mom was my best friend. I would sometimes cry at night when I was younger at the thought of her not being in my life anymore. I ended up losing her to cancer when I was 17, and never really got a chance to mourn her death (was too busy talking my dad out of suicide for a year afterward).

The point is, I survived. Yes, it was incredibly painful, but her death gave way to a new beginning for me, a life full of adventure and love that I never would have thought was possible during the three years I took care of her as she battled cancer.

I'm not the least bit ashamed of my sometimes overwhelming fear of losing the man I share my life with. I don't care if others call it irrational or worse: I cherish him to no end and cannot imagine my life without him, and feel blessed to have found such a love.

So, hun, bottom line is that as long as it's not unhealthy or detrimental to your overall mental and emotional health, don't doubt yourself when you occassionally think about your mom, your love for her, the bond you both share, and what a void will be left when she moves on from this world. You know what the best cure for that "empty" feeling is? To call her up and tell her exactly how you feel- I'm sure she'll feel incredibly loved and like the best mom in the world. :-)

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