Roxy-I am so here for you. I know, youre so lost right now. I am too. I know I just met you and for a terrible reason we were brought together, but I am not leaving you. A m/c is a death-and you have every right to grieve for as long as you need. Your child(ren) have died, gone to heaven. This is the worst thing ever. IT doesnt matter if its 8 weeks, 4 weeks, 14 weeks or 36 weeks!!!! ( oh and yes I got the 'well at least it was early comment by more than one fking person so far)
Please let your sadness out-do NOT contain it. Take some time alone if at all possible so you can hide your DD from this horrible black hole of sadness.
When I got pregnant, after 8 years and every fcking thing you can do-I could NOT believe it. This was JOY! Joy I have never ever known-yes I have had great things in my life-but never the joy of having a child inside of me, conceived with my husband in complete LOVE!
Actually- I found out a day before I was going up to Niagara Falls to meet a cyster from these boards. The joy of the BFP and being there to share with my dear friend from SC-the people who knew I was pregnant the MINUTE I did, the people who have shared in my appointments, my fights with DH, my RE visits, my HSG, my lap/hys, you know MY LIFE! OMG I never could have imagined a better scenario-that is of course if my sweet SC friend was also pregnant....but she will be in MAY so its OK!
I talked to her that weekend we were together and said I know the risk of m/c, I know I am HIGH RISK. She of course talked me off that ledge and then the betas were AMAZING and PERFECT and so was p4. Then the first u/s was great-my DH never saw an u/s of a baby and we got a picture-he stared at it the entire drive home(30min). My heart was so full of love! A week passes and we are soooooooooo excited to see the baby-and in 3 minutes at the u/s table riding the dildo cam-our lives, dreams, plans, fell to CHIT! I mean I was planned for this baby-we had it figured out with my work and his and how to save what money and on and on. October was perfect for me, my life, our jobs, my DH's travel-it was PERFECT-no way could this happen to us-it couldnt be FATE.....not for us, right??
WRONG!
I went thru incredible sadness...................
Now I am flking pissed off. I did the D and C-I had to end it, I couldnt let the baby and blood go on and on for god knows how long. I feel robbed. I feel empty. I feel love for this baby. I feel pro-choice should not even be a fking option! ( dont hate me for that...I just cant imagine an abortion ever again) OMG who could do what I did but to a baby with a heartbeat? OMFG....But IM on a tangent...
Rox-you are NOT ALONE. You are stronger than you think. You have helped me soooo much. I think you were so strong for Jenn and I last week that now its your turn to care for YOU!
Perhaps a therapist would help you. Maybe you just need a friend who knows how you feel, can validate your feelings. Whatever you EVER need, please know you have a REAL FRIEND in me and I am here for you, whenever!
I pray for strength and hope to fill you!!!