Jen ~ You nearly brought me to tears as I giggle at the "dildo cam". Thank you so much. Sometimes I do just feel so robbed... so empty. I believe in karma, and though I am not a perfect person... I always have tried to be the best possible person I could be. It just doesn't seem fair.
I use to see a therapist and I am considering going back to her (I stopped due to insurance reasons, we switched and she wasn't a provider). She taught me a lot... but one thing she taught I feel like I really resent. She always told me about this book called "The Secret" that talks about the law of attraction. Essentially, you create your own reality through thoughts. I thought well hey, OK I can dig this. I thought positive the whole time I was pregnant. I kept telling myself that it couldn't happen again... but it did. I feel like she kinda failed me leading me to believe that and now I'm sitting here empty once again.
My DH is gone right now in NH, he has been since November, he comes home occasionally for the weekends, but this weekend he will be home for good after 5 months. He's always attempted to be there for me as much as he can through the distance and I've gone up to visit him many times as well. But nothing is the same without him around and I can't wait to have him sleeping next to me every night. He reminds me of the strength that sometimes I feel I have lost. I've been through a lot in this life, my childhood was completely corrupted, and I've grown and become a much better person before it. I love my life... but it's not complete. I'll keep trying until I have what I want. I just wish it didn't have to be so hard.
I'm so sorry we've met under these circumstances Jen. But having a friend is absolutely priceless and I thank you for being the friend you are and the one you will become as we grow together and get out of this ditch that life has put us in.
