PCOS Message Board - View Single Post - Think I wish Someone had told me after my 1st M/C

tcrock02 · 04-02-2009, 12:11 PM

Ok so i was very optimistic when i went 2 my dr appointment. I was sure we would have our answer. Just the wait in the waiting room was hard to bear. Well I went in and waited for the Dr some more. She came in and sat on the stool and i felt like "here it comes" she said "i know the Dr Vendola ordered all of your blood work and i have the results. I would like to say we have found out what that there is a problem but all of your tests coame back normal." I instantly started to cry. I tried so hard to hold it in because i was alone and i hate crying in public but there it was. No answer as to why my babies all seem to never stick. It was the most helpless and hopeless feeling i have had since my miscarriages began 3 years ago. I am religious and i know that God never puts more on you than you can bear but i feel so betrayed. I watch my teenage nieces spit out children like gum and never even take care of them and here i sit... wanting so much to hold that baby in my arms and it is just a dream that i try to wake up from and cant. The only test the my Dr did not order was the MTHFR so she drew up the paper work and i went for the blood test yesterday. She will have the results on Monday so i can call and get them then. I just feel like it will still not by my answer i am so depressed and teary today even shows on TV make me wanna burst out. But i run a homedaycare so i have to hold it together until naptime. I know that i have birthed one child and for that i am truely greatful i just wish that if me having a baby with my DH was not in my future that this knawing ache in my heart would just stop. If this last test does not show anything than i am just screwed. My insurance ended on the 31st of March and Genetic counseling is next and that is financially out of the question right now. Do you ever feel like u are beating your head against a brick wall?? I am trying to hold out hope for this last test.... grasping at any moment of sanity i can maintain. I appreciate both of you letting me ramble on. Its just gonna be one of those days i think.