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ready2conceive · 04-03-2009, 08:33 PM

I had an ectopic last year in August. I knew from the beginning of that pregnancy it was not good but hoped for the best. It ended and we did 2 shots of methotrexate to pass it. It was hard to deal with but I kind of supressed my sadness and kept trying to get pregnant.

Then my first round of injectables in February I got my bfp. I seen my baby's hb 5 times by u/s. I had a little spotting here and there and a one time bleed which landed me in ER last Saturday. They released me after seeing baby's heartbeat and saying cervix was closed and I was ok but they think they seen a placental clot and to get it followed up by my RE.

I did follow up this past Monday with RE and u/s showed healthy hb and baby measuring on time. The nurse said no clot and just a little pocket of blood probably causing the spotting. Then on Wednesday I started bleeding heavy and passing clots. I thought for sure I passed the baby. We went to RE's office for u/s Thursday morning and the tech said the baby was demised and no hb. It was still inside me. They sent me off right then and there to a hospital for D&C and hysteroscopy. I cried, I seen my dh cry. I never seen him cry and he was crying holding me in front of the nurses at the dr. office. We didn't care what anyone thought we just held eachother crying. It was a sad day. Worst day of my life. Worst pain of my life waking up out of surgery in pain.

I was 7 weeks along and my little one meant so much to me already. I had plans and hopes and dreams and they have all been taken away from me.

I am broken and I don't know how to make it through.