Thanks for your responses ladies. I feel a little better today and the cramps have gotten a little better.
Roxy~I am so sorry for both your losses. It is the hardest thing to deal with and I realize I will never get over it. After seeing your baby and the hb it is so hard to accept that they are gone. I will never understand why.
Wanna~I am so sorry for your loss too. I know what you mean about not really feeling anything. I am no where near myself.
My dh was with me when we were told the baby had no hb. I went to the u/s prepared to hear the worst. But I thought I passed the baby on my own since the day before I was passing clots. But I was shocked when they said the baby had no hb and was demised. I even had to ask "the baby is still in there?" Yes. Yes, my baby died inside of me and was still there. I got out of the stirrups and walked to the bathroom to get dressed. I broke down crying hysterically...but quietly to myself. I didn't know if I wanted dh to see me so weak. But when I opened the door to walk out he was right there crying his eyes out. He felt my pain and his own pain for the loss of his child. We held each other and cried in each others arms. I realized at that moment that I married the right man. I fell in love with him even more and felt closer than ever to him and his heart. But I can't get the image of him breaking down out of my mind and that breaks my heart.
I apologized to him for this happening and he got stern with me and said it isn't my fault. I know it really isn't...as I did everything by the book to sustain this pregnancy. Cut down on the caffeine to almost nothing. No alcohol, no drugs and I even quit smoking before we even got pregnant. I tried to do right. It still happened. I just wanted this so bad. I am so heartbroken. I am glad to have others on here who understand...but on the otherhand I wish none of us knew how it felt.
I am sorry for all your losses girls. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.
__________________
Amanda 30
DH 32
Ectopic 8/08 ~ M/C 4/09
Septum resection 7/1/09
Surprise bfp 8/13/09
3rd time's a charm!!!
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Team Blue!!!
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