To PiperMi and Brittnie: This is interesting to me because this is the kind of rage that I was having, right before I went to see a counselor - for anger management. Who puts their self in anger management?! Usually that follows a court order of some kind. But I knew that I was vicious, and I was really afraid of ruining my relationships, scarring my children for life, etc., so I went to anger management.
I got to my first appointment and the therapist asked me a few questions, and then I was sent home with a bottle of lithium. That was my bipolar diagnosis in a nutshell.
But it was the rage - the seething, burning, physically painful, uncontrollable, punching-holes-in-the-walls kind of rage - that alerted me that there was something amiss (I always knew there was something, but I would have never guessed this). Full-blown manic episodes. Not the fluffy, fuzzy, feel-good, hypomanic kind.
I say all that to say this: consider seeing a doctor. What you are describing seems to me to be something that needs medical treatment. Anger, fear, anxiety, paranoia, disturbing thoughts, "thinking time" (racing thoughts for me - it was always the worst at bedtime). I was extremely resistant to going on meds (the stigma). Things happened. My opinion changed. I understand. I can empathize. And it's a horrible cliche but I gotta say it. You have to be the one to seek out change, accept help, and follow through. Good luck to all of you, in putting out your fires. |