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Originally Posted by Stelladot_KKE  I put my foot down and let him know it's a dealbreaker - I was ready to walk. I think you should also find out whether it's that your H just doesn't want to adopt, or that he truly does not want children. |
First off NO BASHING THIS IS A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE NOT INTENDED TO SAY WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP BUT WHAT COULD HAPPEN!!!!
OK I kinda agree with the putting your foot down and letting him know your ready to walk BUT, you also don't want him just to agree to keep you. Sorry I am living it now and to be honest I'm not sure why. YOU should never try to intimidate your spouse by giving them a choice between you and a child if they don't agree then you need to decide you are going to leave and file for divorce or follow steps to get out of the relationship you can adopt as a single parent if you are financially stable and have a good home.
I gave DH (we were not married at the time and I really believe he had no intentions of getting married ever) the ultimatum (sp?) of him agreeing to adopt a child with me or I was ready to walk needless to say I went through all of the classes by myself, paid for everything by myself (ALL of the adoption fees, the baby's clothes, diapers everything) without support from him and then we went to court and the judge gave me an ultimatum (sp?) either we get married or I find a VERY LONG TERM job before he would finalize the adoption. My husband said "I promise the fighting and arguing will stop, we will get along better, blah, blah, blah" and I kept thinking this was a mistake but he kept reassuring me everything would be fine and guess what.......................It has only gotten worse! We rarely speak to each other, we have slept in seperate rooms for 2 years now (and counting) the arguing has become physical, the police have been called and I could really go on and on.
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying this to deter you from your desire to become a mommy like I said I was ready to walk too just for the chance to be a mommy I just want you to be aware of what you are asking if your DH is really against it don't force him into it or he will grow to resent you rather than you resenting him and you don't know how things will really work out.
My husband plays with DS and so forth on but as far as financially I am the sole supporter of him (other than DH paying medical) which technically I don't need since DS has healthy start but as far as diapers, clothing, birthday gifts, christmas, just because he needed it, easter etc....I have been on my own the past 2 years.
Just think about it before you give him that decision.