[quote=Stelladot_KKE;1889809958]I'm sorry your adoption experience has been so negative. It seems strange to me that the judge would ask you to make such a drastic change in your life before allowing you to adopt - he should have made the decision on you as-is. [quote]
My adoption experience has not been negative per'se just DH's attitude. I would do it all over again. As far as the judge he said he could not understand why were together so long and not married and that he wanted to be sure the baby would be taken care of if we were to seperate. Maybe I'm overreactting about DH he did NOT have to get married, he could have left me and went about his business and he did say let's get married etc......
[quote=Stelladot_KKE; 1889809958] Please understand that I am not bashing you, just disagreeing with you.
I don't think your situation sounds typical, at all. If you and your spouse do not want the same things out of life - especially something as life-changing and un-compromisable as having children - then YES, you do need to reconsider your marriage.
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But if you are telling your spouse you are going to grow bitter towards them and I know I read a post on here where someone suggested saying that to their DH do you not think your spouse will take it as you giving them an ultimatum? And if your spouse loves you would they not want to do it to make you happy but what resentment will come from their end later on down the line. What if your spouse said to you "I want a baby" and you knew in your heart you did not want a child but he kept insisting, you kept resisting and he said he would grow bitter towards you if you did not give him a child, if you Love your husband would you not give it to him and it could go 2 ways either you would grow to love the child and accept it or you would grow bitter towards your husband for pushing the issue.
[quote =Stelladot_KKE; 1889809958]
Not for the purposes of intimidating your spouse, but for the purposes of being true to yourself and, as PP have said, not ending up bitter and resentful towards life/your spouse. I do have a relative who was in OP's position when she was in her twenties, back in the 1950s. She and her husband did not adopt, and IMO, yes, the bitterness did seep into every area of her life and relationships with other people, and remains that way half a century later. Not a great way to go through life.
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Don't you think if she would have reevaluated her relationship and followed her heart and left the relationship to adopt a child she would have grown to be a much happier person. I know in the 1950's things were ALOT different, but think about what you said, she went her whole life without ever having a child for whatever reason her and her husband could not have their own biological child, THEREFORE she gave up her dream of being a mother to stay with a man she eventually grew to resent and as you say is still unhappy, and bitter about the situation a half a century later. So let's say for instance (just since this thread was started by babywarrior no pun intended) babywarrior is doing everything in her power to get pregnant and she cannot so she is very interested in following her desire to adopt and her DH is totally against adopting no matter the circumstances do you think it's fair for her to stay in the relationship and never be a mother? what if her and her DH grow bitter towards each other over the situation and they reevaluated the situatrion and decided they would rather move on with their lives and she had the chance to meet someone who would be on board with the adoption option would that not be a better life for both of them?
I'm NOT trying to start a debate here I'm just thinking about it from all perspectives. and I am not telling anyone to divorce I have no intentions on divorcing at this point in time but I am giving my input just as everyone else is.