I have a better endo now, I've only seen her once, but she's seems a lot better suited to me and my needs.
I only eat wheat breads, but I like it wayyyy too much. But I'm getting better about amounts and eating only until I'm on the verge of full not completely stuffed. Then I think I'm going to get back to what I used to do when I first tried to lose weight. Which is drink a glass of water after my meal. This was actually a suggestion from my old therapist who did it after each of his meals. He told me it would make you feel more satisfied without being completely stuffed. And it does work. I just need to put it more into practice.
If I could find an inexpensive workout machine I might be able to save up myself and get it, in the meantime jogging on my own. Or I could ask my mom to renew my YMCA membership. I did actually go there when I did have a membership. I know that money isn't the easiest (brother in college, sister about to go to college) but I think that maybe her and my dad could afford it. I know they try to be supportive and this would be something that would really help me.
Thank you everybody who commented. Ever since I've been on this website I feel a lot better about myself knowing I'm not alone. Of course there's still the bad days, and times when I feel like I'm being strangled by my own body, but that's when I have support.
It is hard though, especially being a teenage girl, with the image of pretty equaling skinny and upperlip hair free. And with everybody freaking out about bulemia and anorexia. But all the times I've even CONSIDERED these they were only passing moments in which I felt hopeless. Last year though I battled with these feelings through a personal narrative I had to write for my lit class. It followed the thread of me talking with time. The first chapter I looked at my past. The second, my present. And the third, to my future, where I observed an anorexic self. This helped me a lot in that I was able to battle with myself through writing into knowing that I should just stay the course of dieting and exercise, and not fall prey to eating disorders.
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"A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double." (Toni Morrison)
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