PCOS Message Board - View Single Post

smshelton24 · 04-23-2009, 01:22 PM

During this whole battle with PCOS and over the last 5 years or so I have constantly struggled with my weight. I got married to my ex husband in 2005 and at that time I topped out at almost 220lbs. I'm only 5'2" so that's a lot of weight for anyone much less a short "petite" framed woman. About a year before we got married my grandmother asked me with if was pregnant because I had gotten so big. I was so embarrassed. Then in 2007 after a tough seperation soon to be divorced I dropped a ton of weight because the severe anxiety and depression.

Then shortly after in early 2008 when my (now) boyfriend and I met I weighed 155lbs,( I actually used one of my bridal pictures as my "weight loss story". I thought I couldve stood to lose more weight but I was more or less happy, I had to go shopping for more clothes because none of my "fat" clothes fit and I actually got to buy size 10 pants and medium shirts. At my heaviest I was wearing size 16 jeans and XL shirts. Well now, my old GYN put me on Depo Provera that only adds to the weight gain from the PCOS so now I'm at 180lbs, another 30lbs heavier. As I creep closer to 200 I get more and more depressed. I can't think of 1 part of my body that I'm happy with, except for my eyes--which is sad that those are the only part I like.

My hair is thinning, I shave 80% of my body including my chin, jawline and neck (like a man!!), my belly, butt and thighs are getting huge, My skin is pale and fair, I don't tan and my acne is really starting to act up again. I avoid pictures becuase after they're taken I realize how terrible I look and I erase them. I find myself editing pictures I've taken of myself to black out the fat rolls, the excess hair, and to make my body how I'm dying for it to be.

My dear boyfriend and I eat healthy now and we've bought a gym membership but I can't go because I've been in so much pain. We bought the membership 2 1/2 months ago and I haven't been able to go because I've missed 2 months of work, I'm in a ton of pain and I've had surgery and will be having another next week. Anytime I whine about getting fat, my boyfriend who NEVER lies about anything, (curse him) agrees with me, tells me I've gained weight and tells me if I want to lose it, then I should use the gym we're paying for. The problem is this, how can I go to the gym and kill myself on an elliptical machine or lift weights when I'm hurting so bad I just want to stay in bed and not move all day?? It hurts me that he doesn't understand that part, but he's getting used to this just as I am, eventually I hope he understands...

Sorry this one is so long.