dstaiger

so i've been lurking for a couple days not feeling like i really fit in anywhere.

monday night i went into labor and tuesday morning delivered a tiny girl too little to survive. the u/s a half hour before showed her to be "perfectly healthy" but the gestational sac from a vanishing twin at 8w failed to be absorbed and was causing labor that could not be stopped. so my healthy baby that was measuring ahead at 16w with perfect toes and ears is gone.

i got to spend some time with her....
she was so small, just the size of my hand.

i don't know. maybe it hasn't sunk in, maybe i need more time to believe it. the only time i cry is when i talk about, but most of the time i walk around as if i was never pg at all. i packed away my plans with my maternity clothes and strangely enough went right back to planning to ttc.

i find myself disappointed that i have to wait until june to try again. i wish there was a magic redo button. i wish there was something better for me focus on.

this is day four and i hope time flies and takes me out of this weird place i am now.

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