PCOS Message Board - View Single Post

tcrock02 · 04-29-2009, 12:18 PM

Wow you all made me cry!!! i will try to keep my story/s short but no promises-lol. I got married at 18 and TTC right away it took 8 years and opening my foster home before bam there he was> My beautiful baby boy- very uncomplicated pg and delivery except i am RH neg.
So that was 1996. I got divorced and remarried in 2003. Still ttc #2. In 06 big surprise BFP only to be told there was a sack but no fetal pole. natural m/c @ 5 weeks. I was sad because Dh has no children and i so wanted to give him one. 12/07 BFP again- a little scared but plugged on. Started spotting at 6 weeks went to the ER and passed my baby in the hospital bathroom- alone....called dh in there to help me cuz i was bleeding everywhere -they scheduled me for a emergency D&C and prepped me for surgery. While waiting i was placed in the maternity ward right across the hall from the nurses station. I got to hear crying babies all night long knowing every second my baby was gone 1/08.
After 2nd i was dx'd with PCOS and put on Metformin. I thought this is my miracle drug from all i read it would help. Got my 3rd BFP in 1/09. I was so excited. this time i just knew it was going to be different. We had seen the hb before but i was not on met then so after seeing the hb this time and changing ob's i prayed this would be our miracle baby. I started spotting but was told i just had a sensitive cervix. At 7 weeks i went in for my followup ultrasound and there was no HB. I was totally caught off gaurd. It was like i knew what was happening but it was all a bad dream... this was not happening to me AGAIN!!!! I cried so hard i could not get to the car without DH guiding me. I started screaming at God" You need to come down here and tell me why this keeps happening to me" I was yelling and crying in the parking lot.. I didnt care who heard me i didnt care what they thought....This last miscarriage has taken me more time to adjust to because i just didnt think the odds of this happening to me AGAIN-3 fricken times!!!!!- but there i was. And here i am today. I am in the 2ww for TTC again. and i am scared---terrified---- but at the same time optimistic.The fact that i have gotten pg 3 times in 6 years is amazing when it took me 8 years the first time. I do believe in God and i know that all things happen for a reason even though i cant seem to understand why... but i still love and trust the Lord.. I know that someday i will get my miracle. I will bring that baby home and raise them in the love of God. I think if i didnt believe in God i would be lost in this miscarriage tragedy and want to give up. I cant change what has already happened to me but i can keep moving forward. Maybe there is someone in my future that will need my support and guidance when they deal with this same situatuion. I dont know but God does. And that is where i put my trust.....I am praying for miracles for all of us who have suffered this incredible loss....