Well, it's been one year since I started miscarrying my first pregnancy.
I conceived shortly after my one year anniversary of starting my journey. We took a four month TTC break after diagnosis, so that we could try and figure out what we were going to do. I hadn't had AF in awhile, so we used BCP to make sure I got a bleed while we sorted it all out. After I went off, and we started TTC again, I Ov'ed on CD44 while my DH was out of town on business. We BD'ed about 4 days before Ov, and conceived. It was like a miracle, a dream come true... and then it slipped right through our fingers.
I think it's hitting me especially hard since I have recently suffered my second loss, not even two months ago.
And we're on our seventh Clomid cycle, of which only two were ovulatory... which means, our journey to have a biological child may be over soon depending on how this cycle goes;on whether I Ov or not. Insurance does not cover infertility, and while if I don't Ov I may be willing to try one injectable cycle out of pocket, my heart is leaning more towards adoption at this point. And I'd rather put the money towards that. Something where I can actually be hopeful again.
I miss my babies.
My dear Sebastian.
My dear Angela.
I miss the future we would have had together.
I miss that dream.
I hate infertility and pregnancy loss,
and what it's taken from me
(*sigh*)
__________________
Stephanie 24 & DH 24
m/c's: 5/08, 3/09, 11/09
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three inject cycles
7 clomid
TTC +2 years
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"If you're going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill