I just had to reply and tell you my story. First off, I'm very sorry for you loss... I seriously couldn't imagine the pain you are going through.
I'm soon to be 34, married with two kids. I'm in love with my best friend (another women), we are having an affair. Which i know is soooo wrong, but the feelings I have for her, I can't explain, the deep emeotional connection can't be replicated, the physical connection is unimanginable. Everything you described about how you felt about your best friend, is exactly the way I feel about this women. I feel my life wouldn't be a life without her, she truely is my soul mate. I didn't exactly believe in soul mates until I met her and the connection I feel is something that I could never explain to anyone.
All that being said, my life sucks. I'm a stay at home mom, that is living with a man that I don't love, at one point I did, but I don't think the love I felt for him could ever compare to the love I feel for my "girlfriend". I'm stuck here until I can get a decent job to support my kids. My husband and I have talked and we know the marriage is over, but i'm still living this LIE, he doesn't know about her and I as lovers, he assumes she is just my friend. Living like this is sucks... I see her almost everyday and I long to live my life with her, to be out in the open with our relationship to be able to call her anytime I want, to see her anytime I want, to make love to her without having to hurry up or thinking we are gonna get caught.
So my only advice is to be yourself, don't question your feelings they are true they are there. Not being yourself isn't a way to live. I can understand you love your husband and don't want to hurt him. I comend you realizing this about yourself early on. I which I would have recognized who I was a lot earlier in life. |