 in shock again
three weeks ago i delivered my little girl. her heart was beating but her lungs were not developed enough to take a breath. her first minutes of life were her last. i held her afterward - no one in the room spoke a word.
today i went to the hospital for a consultation, and the doctor i spoke to had my chart. we discussed the autopsy and how the baby was perfect. he asked if i wanted to know the gender and i got a flash of panic. i was so drugged, in so much pain, and so devastated that i believe i could have been hallucinating parts of my stay in the ER. so i said yes, i want to know the gender. i was certain he would say she was a girl. but no, he was a boy.
what else can i say after that, i'm in shock again. i mourned for my daughter. i was the only person on this planet that knew she was real, and i was wrong.
__________________ Dianna - 30
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Don - 25
Married 1/11/08
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Isaac lives in heaven now
April 21st, 2009
BFP 7/6 IT'S A GIRL 10/5
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