 Numb...I just feel numb
Not sure what to feel right now. For some reason i never really got confortable with this pregnancy. i was happy and all, but after my second beta total did not double from the first (though it was very close) I have been shielding myself from getting too excited about this pregnancy. Sort of a self protection thing.
I went to the ER today because I had bleeding...the U/S tech tried to listen for a heartbeat and it was a flatline...I didn't see anything in my uterus...it is so freaky. So now I don't know what to think. he says I probably have been m/cing for a while now and my body is just now getting around to trying to normalize itself...hence the bleeding. I bleed some on Monday but tried not to get too upset...now I just feel numb. I knew it was coming...this makes me so mad...why do some ladies have it so easy...they don't even want their babies and I want one...never mind..I am sure you all know what I mean.
Is it wrong to feel like I just wanna forget this..I wish I hadn't told anyone.
If we ever do get pregnant I will not tell anyone until I start showing...at this point I don't even know if I can hold a pregnancy. A part of me just wants to give up...man I am pissed, but I don't know who or what to be mad at.
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