Missy - I totally understand how you feel about the next bfp. I HATE that my blissful ignorance has been taken from me. After 2 miscarriages, I don't know how I'll feel next time. I know I can't help but be excited, but it will be very guarded. In some ways I think this mc was harder than the first. The first time you kinda think it's just bad luck. This time I was so convinced that would not happen to me again - then it did. I really started to question things.
I will be excited next bfp, but I will also be terrified. I have decided (though not sure I'll succeed) to not let it consume my life. I have to go on living, while caring for myself and the baby, but can't let it consume me. That's what hurts the most. So, until I am holding a baby in my arms, I can't let myself get excited. And I hate that I feel that way.
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TTC 12/07
DX 12/08
M/C 3/08, 4/09, 11/09
But these things I plan won't happen right away.
Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place.
It will not be late by a single day. |